The shortlist for the actors lining up to play young Han Solo in the upcoming prequel is out and I want to jump into a trash compactor.
Is there a single smarmy face you don’t want to punch here?
Ok, fair enough, some of these guys have chops. But do any of them really scream Han Solo to you? Note to Disney here, ‘smarmy douchebag’ is light years away from ‘smartass scoundrel’.
First up, you’ve got Miles Teller – yes, he was pretty damn good in Whiplash – playing a whiny jerk obsessed with drumming. Not only that, he was in two party hard movies that attempted (unsuccessfully) to parlay the box office gold of Superbad about 5 years too late. Oh yeah, and he was Reed Richards in the abomination that was the recent Fantastic Four movie. So he’s got that going for him?
Next is Dave Franco – best known as James Franco’s younger, less talented, less famous brother. Star, well, co-star, well, appeared in such classics as Fright Night, Warm Bodies, Now you See Me and…a bunch of other garbage. While he is an enormous smarmy jerk – I mean he’s basically typecast at this point, I just don’t see him as a young Han Solo. Sure, a teenage Han Solo would be incorrigible, and kind of a total asshat, but I don’t want to be angrily throwing popcorn at the screen every second he appears – that shit’s expensive!
I’ll be honest, I was going to do a complete breakdown of these guys and why they shouldn’t be Han Solo, but since I’m not a teenage girl, I have NO IDEA who these guys are.
Ok hold up one second. I have to admit, Logan Lerman has some skills. I actually enjoyed Perks of Being a Wallflower despite absolutely not being the target market, was pretty great in Fury, he was that kid in 3:10 to Yuma…and a guilty pleasure of mine is the Percy Jackson series. What, it’s fun! So ok maybe this guy might be able to handle it.
But the rest of them? They’re not even a bunch of scruffy nerfherders.